The Untamed AF Blog

 

Isn’t CBT Just Gaslighting Myself

Into “Thinking” I Feel Better, When I Really Don’t?!

 

 

 

Ah, good ol' CBT. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. The golden child of the therapy world that everyone and their mama seems to be shouting about lately.

 

But let’s be real—if you've ever caught yourself thinking, “Isn’t CBT just gaslighting myself into ‘thinking’ I feel better, when I really don’t?” you’re definitely not alone. 

 

 

 

The Who, Where, and How CBT Was Created

 

CBT didn’t just pop up out of nowhere, like that ex sliding into your DMs. It was crafted in the 1960s by Aaron Beck, a psychiatrist who originally started off in psychoanalysis. He was diving into how folks with depression thought and realized—hold the phone—these people had some seriously fucked negative thought patterns going on. Instead of just talking about their trauma endlessly without purpose or relief, Beck decided to switch gears to focus on the here and now, specifically on how our thoughts affect our feelings and behaviors.

 

CBT therapy is less “let’s unpack your childhood” and more “let’s challenge that thought that you’re a total failure because you missed ONE deadline.”

 

Beck and his colleague Albert Ellis, who was on a similar wave with Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, basically handed us a toolkit to call BS on our own unhelpful asshole thoughts.  

 

 

 

Isn’t CBT Just Gaslighting Myself?

 

 

Alright, let’s address this big ass elephant in the therapy room:

"Isn’t CBT just gaslighting?" On the surface, it kinda sounds like it, right? You’re sitting there in a therapist’s office or Zoom screen, and they’re like, “Let’s reframe that thought!” Meanwhile, your brain’s screaming, “Reframe my ass!  This shit sucks and my feelings are real damn it!”

 

 

So, where does the line get drawn between “helpful reframe” and “gaslighting yourself into pretending you're okay"?

 

Here’s where I keep it real AF: CBT can absolutely feel like gaslighting or that your therapist is dismissing your feelings when it’s used to gloss over real pain, grief, or trauma. No one needs a toxic positivity fucking parade when they’re knee-deep in life’s bullshit. It’s not about slapping a smiley face on your problems or pretending you’re fine when your brain feels like it's on fire.

 

And if that’s how it’s being used, that’s not CBT—that’s just bad therapy. Period!!

 

 

 

The Real Deal & How CBT Can Actually Help

 

 

Let’s not throw the CBT baby out with the bathwater, just yet. When done right, CBT isn’t about denying your feelings.  It’s about recognizing when your thoughts are pulling you into that dark pit and giving you the tools to flip a U-turn.

 

You feel like crap because you lost a job? Totally fucking valid! Pass the emotional support dumperster fire. But when used properly CBT doesn't dismiss that, it simply asks: “Are you really ‘worthless,’ though or is that just the shame spiral talking mad shit?” 

 

Here’s the beauty of CBT, it doesn’t tell you what to think or feel; it invites you to check the receipts on your thoughts and reflect on what mental filter is paying the bill. 

 

Mental filters are those sneaky little automatic thought patterns that slide under the radar and mess with your perception of things.

 

 

 

 

Here are a few of the uninvited party crashers that kill the vibe.

 

Ever catch yourself "zooming in on the negative"? This when your brain latches onto only the negative, totally ignoring any good that occured.

 

Or maybe you’re guilty of “catastrophizing”.  Have you jumped straight to worst-case scenario faster than a squirrel on caffeine?. This is VERY common for my anxiety ridden baddies.

 

There there's the  “all-or-nothing thinking".  This is SOB is a VERY common one. It is where everything is either a win or lose, good or bad—no in between allowed.  When someone’s caught in the all-or-nothing thinking trap from hell, they’re basically running on a vocabulary of extremes and the stubborness of a bull.

 

You’ll often hear words like “always,” “never,” “everyone,” “no one,” “perfect,” “failure,” “everything,” and “nothing.”  This mental filter does not do nuances—it’s all about those harsh, absolute statements that leave no room for the messy, imperfect reality where most of us are just doing our best to fucking survive.

 

Mental filters are like dirty sunglasses; they distort your view of reality like a MF.

 

 

CBT is the little glass cleaner that gets to the nitty-gritty of those automatic thoughts—the knee-jerk “I suck, nothing’s ever gonna change, why even try” thoughts—and it challenges them with evidence to expand your perspective that sometimes says, “Yeah, things are rough AF and suck ass. And that is totally okay to feel like absolute horseshit, but let’s make sure you’re not telling yourself it’s because you’re completely unlovable, because that’s horseshit.”

 

 

 

CBT isn’t the one-size-fits-all savior of therapy land,

and it’s okay to not vibe with it.

 

If you’re sitting in session feeling like you’re just mentally arm-wrestling the fuck out of yourself into feeling “okay,” that’s a flashing red flag, and it’s worth voicing to your therapist that this shit ain't cutting it. Therapy should be about finding what works for you and genuinely helps, not just accepting what you can get.

 

CBT works when it’s a tool, not a bandaid to ignore the wound. I use CBT to help my clients navigate the chaos of their thoughts, not dismiss the pain.  And yeah, it’s gonna take some intnetional effort but it sure the fuck isn't a “think happy thoughts” blanket solution. If you’re willing to get messy with your thoughts, challenge the fuck ass narratives that aren’t serving you, and face the discomfort of change, CBT can be a great partner to the therapy process.

 

So, is CBT just gaslighting yourself into “thinking” you’re better? Only if it’s done wrong. When it’s done right, it’s a way to cut through the noise, see things clearly, and maybe—just maybe—start to feel a little less weighed down by the crap your brain throws at you like you're in a never ending game of dogde ball.

 

When used effectively CBT gives you the mental space and capacity to dig into the deeper shit for reprocessing because you aren't consumed by unhelpful and untruthful thoughts. CBT is like learning to swim, we don't jump in the deep end no floaties all raw dog syle, first we learn to wade in the shallow end. 

 

Your feelings are valid AF, and your journey doesn’t have to fit anyone else’s narrative. CBT included. FInd what works for you and don't fucking give up!